April 30, 2004, 6:03 am
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Looking forward to this weekend. Tonight I’m headed to the living home for an informal gathering with the likes of Todd Hunter and some locals in the Church. Should be some good times. Then tommorrow I’ll take my friend Chad with me up there for more of a directed “unconference.” I’m looking to be refreshed with their company and common vision.


April 29, 2004, 8:49 am
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Weird week. Hard week. Michelle’s company is going through transition . . . still. Her department director was informed the other day that his services will no longer be required as of the end of the year. The company is closing the facility she works in, and moving everyone to one of four places: their Oceanside facility that isn’t operational yet, their facilities in North Carolina, their facilities in Cambridge, Mass., or the unemployment line. She’s been told numerous times that she is on the “valuable employees we definitely want to keep around” list, but somehow it isn’t very reassuring. The company seems to be trying hard to help people despite the difficult decisions they’re making – tough stuff, though.

On a purely selfish note, the company might offer to fly employees and their spouses to the east coast to get tours and figure out if they’re interested in moving. I don’t think we’re into the idea of moving, but I’m trying to talk Michelle into taking a tour at Cambridge anyway . . . free airfare, free hotel, meal allowance. Sounds good to me . . . even if I have to buy my own tickets to a Red Sox game at Fenway (I’m assuming the hot dogs and pretzels would be covered in the meal allowance). O.k., I’m a jerk.

April 27, 2004, 10:51 am
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April 27.


93 freakin’ degrees

April 26, 2004, 8:00 am
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Over the weekend, Michelle and I had some good conversations. There is a big part of me that is always in process – rethinking where I’ve come from and where I am and where I still need to go. Fortunately, I’ve got a gift from God in my wife, who is frequently willing to help me walk through these things.

Well, as we were talking, I realized that despite how mind-bending my little world seems to be at times, I’m actually in a really great place. Because of the hard work of stripping down my theology and doctrine and expectations of God, church, etc., I’ve kind of come full circle. Initially the “conversation” of emerging culture/emerging church/postmodernity/whatevertheheckyouwannacallit excited me and gave me hope that I could employ new ways of thinking within my current context. Then it became clear that this was unlikely, and then it was flat out impossible. So I quit. Quit the stable, traditional church gig and launched out into whatever it is that I’m trying to do now. After nearly a year of “this” I understand that I’ve continued to move, grow, and develop. And I think freedom is the best word to describe where I am.

I pretty much suck at church planting, but I have the ability to continue on this road, and I’ll do that until God tells me to do something different. I could also go get a regular job, and do the church planting thing on top of it. Those two options have been there for me for a while now, and I’m good with either of them. But my lilttle moment of clarity the other day came when I said, “You know what? I actually have the freedom to go back into a regular, traditional church context, doing ‘full-time ministry.'”

I’m still re-experiencing my “angry young man” stage, and I’m still pretty bent at what the church in America has put together. And yet, I actually think my renewed anger is beyond the rebellious/revolutionary indignation that I used to feel. My anger is now tinted with grief and sorrow and compassion.

If I were to get hired by some traditional church, I’m pretty sure I’d still need to love them with my size 11 Doc Martens. But I can honestly say that it would love. Instead of saying, “I can’t believe how selfish, prideful, and petty you people are! You really bother me right now” I could say, “I’m sick to my stomach at the way we’ve bought into a wrong set of values. There’s a better way right in front of us, but it means discomfort, sacrifice, and a different mentality. We’ve settled for a sham. Let’s agree to love one another enough to get over this crap. This way is harder, but make no mistake – it is better.”

More easily said than done, I know. I have no idea whether this will ever happen. All I’m saying is that God has brought me far enough to where I have the freedom now to do it.

April 23, 2004, 5:56 am
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I’ve spent the last couple of days learning and playing with a web design program in order to go live with our new church website. It’s been fun and I’ve picked things up pretty quickly. We’ll see if I’m able to actually put a decent site together when it’s all said and done.

April 21, 2004, 12:47 pm
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Whew! I didn’t get assigned to a case yesterday, so my civic duty is now complete.

I was thinking this morning about how much of my devotional life is spent in pursuit of getting something from God – blessing, good feelings, understanding, wisdom, whatever. This isn’t necessarily wrong, but I often settle for less than the best in this regard. It doesn’t occur to me that maybe I’m there for God’s benefit, and not just the other way around. Do I use God? It would be better to worship him. Now, if as a result of my worship and right devotion I receive wisdom, understanding, good feelings, and blessings, that’s all the better. I just tend to get things out of order.

April 20, 2004, 5:15 am
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I’ve gone through a bunch of the questioning of my role in the Kingdom vs. my role as a citizen of the U.S. in the past year or so. Here’s another question I get to ponder today. What about Jury Duty? Yep, I get to ponder it today . . . all day . . . and hopefully only today.